So this morning the alarm goes off at 6:30am... something I usually ignore because its hubby that has to rise and shine so early.  But this morning I got up briefly with him before going back to bed... basically getting up that early for the next several weekends will be a habit because of the Renaissance Festival and my body was still on that schedule.  Luckily I got to go back to bed because I didn't need to be anywhere or do anything that early.  I didn't fall asleep, just enjoyed a relaxing moment or two with the dogs before hubby came in for his morning kiss goodbye.  He does this every morning, and I'm usually barely aware of it because I'm still sleeping.  But every morning he comes in and kisses me good bye before going off to work.  Well this morning I'm mostly awake and he kisses me before leaving he says,

"Happy Birthday!  You're officially over 40 now."

If I hadn't been completely awake that would have woken me up entirely. Before I had a chance to strike him dead for such a horrible thing to say I realized he's right, I am officially over 40 now... and that feels totally weird to me.  Because I don't feel mature enough to be over 40... I still feel like I'm in my late 20's.  I remember when being over 40 meant everything was down hill from here, specifically your boobs and face... yet it feels like everything is just starting really for me.  I've always been a late bloomer and I'm bound and determined to make something of myself still.  I'm really leaning toward finishing all the novels I've started writing and getting myself published finally.  I also want to consider going back to school again... and getting that over and done with.  I still feel as though there is time, but I'm done wasting it that's for sure.  I have to admit that thinking of myself as over 40 really is depressing in one sense... But before I could strike hubby down for point this out or wallow too long in self pity he perked me up by finishing the thought.

'But you don't look over 40 at all! Love you babe."  And with that he was gone. 

I began thinking of things that this milestone entails.  I'm fairly certain I've reached the halfway mark of my life, none of my grandparents or great grandparents lived past 80 years old... so I'm halfway there.  My mother suffered through breast cancer treatment at my age now, which is something I keep in the back of my mind as a very real possibility for me.  My cousin had her first and only child at 41- a healthy and happy baby boy.  I can't imagine doing that when I hear about how hard it is at her age to keep up with a toddler... but who knows.  Both my grandmothers had survived and reasonably moved on with their lives after bitter divorces from their first husbands and my Grandma C became a widow a few years after I was born.  Which would also mean that at my age now both my Grandmothers would be grandmothers for the first time.  I can't even fathom being a grandparent at my age... but I have friends who are grandmothers- believe me they don't look it either.

It is becoming increasingly apparent to me that the older I get the more age really is a state of mind.  If you feel younger than you are, then you probably are that young.  I have a dear friend who just celebrated his 82nd birthday a few weeks ago... and he is the most wonderful, kind, active man I have ever met.  I hope I get to be his age, and with his health and vitality.  Likewise I have another dear friend who is in his early 20's and is intelligent, wise and spiritually older than me it would seem.  He is what I would consider an old soul, and I'm blessed to know him as well. I'm always caught off guard by how old my young friend seems and how young my oldest friend is... it really is a state of mind. 

So I'm going to keep thinking young thoughts and maybe it will give me the energy and determination to make something of myself this year.  Hopefully by my next birthday I will be able to call myself at least a published author!  That is my goal for the coming year.   But tonight I'm just going to enjoy a dinner with friends... old and young, none of it matters as long as we're together.

Below is a section of the speech Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. gave at the Lincoln Memorial August 28th, 1963.  I have heard from media sources that Barrack Obama is going to touch on this speech tonight in Denver.  I don't think much about civil rights these days, it seems to me we've come a long way since this speech was first delivered.  However, I am not naive enough to think we've realized Dr. King's  dream entirely.  We've achieved many things in the fight for equality among the races and the sexes... but we're not perfect.  I believe we've stopped fighting for ourselves when I look at all the civil liberties we've given up in the form of "National Security" and "Homeland Security".  Our fears, although perhaps justified in some sense, have caused us to take a step backward in my opinion.  I'm not going to tell you which candidate to vote for- even I haven't made that decision yet.  But I will advise you to think clearly about what freedoms we've given up in the pursuit of security.  And really, isn't this just a government sanctioned form of the prejudice Dr. King gave his life to eradicate? 

Whether you support one candidate over another doesn't matter to me... the point really is that we be part of the process.  Because many thousands upon thousands of men and women gave their lives so we would have the freedom to be a part of this democratic process- no matter how flawed its become.  One voice, one vote, one change to me means one love, one acknowledgement of the sacrifices made in my name.  I urge anyone reading this blog in America to be a part of the process and VOTE!

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."

This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the South with.

With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning:

My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.

Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim's pride,

From every mountainside, let freedom ring!

And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.

And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.

Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.

Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.

Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.

But not only that:

Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.

From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

                Free at last! Free at last!

                Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!